Unsure
by Becca2089
Summary: Erin Lindsey has the best thing she ever thought possible, one thing is missing, she wont admit this though and would rather be unhappy than admit that everyone was right and she does love him.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, so this is what happens when you are bored on a Wednesday night, not really a writer but thought I would give this a go. The idea has been stuck in my head for a while, and am just going to pretend that Erin and Jay have been partners for like 4 years, CF characters do make a tiny appearance. Please review, at this moment in time I wrote it as a one shot but I think I could think about making another part or a few more depending on how people like it :)

Please review.

Lying in bed on a Saturday morning listening to the sounds of laughter, this was not the life Erin Lindsey had imagined for herself at 28 years old, a detective in the Chicago Police Department, and a 3-year-old daughter, but some how this was her life. She had no real family to speak of, only the family that she had made in the CPD, and of course Voight the man who had saved her from a life of, well god only knows what could have happened if he hadn't insisted on helping the teenage girl.

"Opppps, Mommy, help me please" Erin heard her daughter call out to her, throwing the covers off herself, she pads out of the room over the room across the hall and she sees that Harper isn't in her own room, she then moves off into the kitchen to find her daughter sitting on the floor covered in flour smiling up at her.

"Hmmmmm, what do we have here Miss Harper?" Erin asks her daughter trying to keep a straight face.

"Well today is the day that my daddy gets married right!" Harper asks her mother innocently.

Erin looks at her daughter and nods as enthusiastically as she can.

"So I was thinking that I would bake them a cake, or well maybe cupcakes" Harper finishes not noticing in the change in her mothers face.

The truth was Harper's father was one of the good guys that had been in Erin life, if not the best, they had tried to have a relationship but with work, and Erin's commitment issues they hadn't worked out, 3 months after the break up, they found out that they were going to have a baby together, still Erin wouldn't commit and said she would understand if he didn't want to be in the baby's life, even though she knew that would never happen he was far to nice to do that to her.

Erin soon snapped out of memory lane and walked over and picked her daughter up off the floor and sat her on the worktop,

"Look sweetie that is a really nice idea, and am sure Daddy would love it, but the thing is, they already have a cake, and the brides mommy and daddy would be sad if they didn't use the one they bought. Do you understand?" Erin tried to break the news to her gently that the cake was already done.

"Yup, but Momma, are you sad?" Harper asked noticing the change in her Mothers eyes.

"Not sad sweetie no, just disappointed that we couldn't make this work" Harper looked at her mother with confused eye and Erin realised her mistake. "The cake I meant sweetie" Yeah nice save Lindsey, she thought to herself.

A few hours later whilst helping Harper pack her stuff for what she had heard people call the wedding of the century did she allow herself to wish she had given him a chance when Harper was born.

Flashback

Erin stared down at the tiny 6lb baby girl being held by her Daddy,

"We did good, huh?" She asked him whilst he sat next to her on the bed.

"Yeah we did, however you did most of the hardwork and it made me realise how much I love you," He said gazing down at her.

"Please don't" She begged "We tried and it didn't work, and yes we have a baby but" she was cut off by 2 words she would have never expected to come out of his mouth.

"Marry me"?

End of flashback

She had her chance and now she had to deal with repercussions of saying no to him that night.

Standing outside of his apartment on the day of his wedding was not something she ever imagined herself doing, as she knocked and waited for the door to open, she realised that she didn't want him to do this and marry someone else she wanted him.

"Daddy" Her thoughts were interrupted but him opening the door and the brunette little girl running into his arms.

"Hey prinny, listen why don't you say bye to mommy and then go inside and find grandpa" He told his daughter, she did as she was asked and kissed her mommy goodbye "See you at the church right mommy" Erin just nodded to her, not having the heart to tell her she might not go to the church.

"So have you decided if you coming yet, because I really want you there, your one of my best friends, and Harpers mother" He asked her.

"Wont your bride to be find it a bit strange" She asked him bitterly having had run ins with her in the past over Harper and her man as she so kindly tells Erin.

"She knows what you are and who you are to me Erin, nothing is going to change that.

"Okay I will see you there then." Erin told him and started to walk away.

"Tell me not to do it, tell me I am making a mistake" She heard him whisper down the hallway, she pretended not to hear him, and carried on walking.

With a heavy heart and tears clouding her vision, she walked into Molly's and ordered a vodka shot from Dawson who was busy making the final arrangements for the wedding reception.

"Bad morning" Gabby asked her.

"Yep, dropped Harper off with Daddy dearest and he said something and I pretended not to hear him" She said sadly.

"Come on Erin, what happened" Gabby asked seeing her about to start bawling.

"I heard him say tell me not to do it, tell me I am making a mistake".

"And I just walked away, I had my chance when Harper was born, everyone knows I screwed up.

"And us three all know that, if you went and told him how you felt you would be the one in his bed tonight" She heard Severide tell her.

"But…." She tried

"No buts Er, please go and tell him and stop moping about, because I just left him at the church and he is a nervous wreck, he doesn't want this, you know that and I know that and so does the whole of CPD and CFD"

Jay Halstead stood in the back of the church with his little girl stood at his side asking all the questions that had been in her little mind since her mother dropped her off, why are you marrying Ally?, Why not my momma, and all Jay could say was because your mommy wanted us to stat friends, not because I love Ally, in actual fact if Erin turned up now and told him not to go through with the wedding he wouldn't do it he didn't think.

"Momma, you're here." He thoughts where interrupted by his 3 year old daughter.

He took one look at her, and he wished he was marrying her, there she stood in a gorgeous floor length blue dress, minimal make up and her hair slightly curled and put up to the side, then he remember she had turned him down, twice if you counted the apartment scene earlier on.

"Hey, Jay" Was her simple reply as she picked up their daughter.


	2. Chapter 2

I have been so busy and I am so sorry about the wait for this chapter. I wasn't sure if I was going to continue it or not but then realised the way I left it, it was rather not nice of me. So here is the next part.

* * *

Jay couldn't believe she was standing in front of him, Harper sitting comfortably on her mother's hip playing with the loose strands of Erin's hair.

"You came!" Was the only thing he could say.

"Of course I came, I know I was being a baby about coming, but Jay this woman your about to marry to going to play step mom to our daughter. Surely you can understand how I feel?" Erin said to him, going for the easy way out yet again.

"Ally is not looking to replace you, I would never allow that, you're her mom"

Erin was about to say something when they heard Antonio telling Jay it was time, and that he needed to be at the alter in 5 minutes. Just as jay was about to walk off, he felt Erin's hand wrap around his arm.

"Don't do it, don't marry her, I cant watch you do this" Erin whispered sadly

Jay had been waiting for these words to leave her mouth ever since Ally had proposed; looking into her eyes he could see the tears and the uncertainty behind them. Is this the life that he wanted, the mother of his child and him raising their daughter together?

But on the other hand, with Erin's history there was no guarantee that she wouldn't pull the rug from under them at any given time.

"I am so sorry Erin, really if you would have came to me this morning and told me this, things might have been different, but I cant do that to Ally and leave her at the alter" Jay whispered to her, watching as she tried her damn hardest to not fall apart in front of him.

"Of course, your right, but I am sorry I cant sit in that church with all of our friends and your family, and watch you marry someone who isn't me, so I will just see you at the reception" Erin said hurriedly "Here" She said as she kissed her daughters head and passed her over to jay and hurried out of the church running straight into Serveride, Shay, Dawson and Casey.

"Hey" she said as she ran past them. Severide looking to where Jay stood with Harper and then back at Erin walking towards Molly's.

"Am gonna go make sure she's ok" He said as he left his friends.

* * *

Kelly finally caught up to her, noticing she was crying before he could even get anything out she launched into an attack,

"You tell him how you feel Erin, we all know he loves you blah blah, well look at me Severide I have just made a fool out of myself, and he is still marrying her." Severide just looked at her and gathered her into his arms as she sobbed and said over again "He's marrying her".

Once she had stopped crying, she looked up at him and apologized for falling apart, he told her not to mention it.

"You have a wedding to go to, I am just going to go home, will you please drop Harper off for me later" She asked her friend who thought she shouldn't be alone but agreed to dropping his surrogate niece home.

Sitting alone in the kitchen of her apartment with a glass of wine in her hand, looking through Harpers baby pictures, some taken by family members when she was in the hospital, the rest that Erin and Jay had captured in the first year of their daughters life. It hit Erin like a ton of bricks that Harper would not get to have a sibling that shared both the same, mother and father. Downing the rest of the glass, making her way to her bedroom, it seemed that the universe was mocking her, sitting on her dressing table was a frame with two photographs in, the first side was Harper's first ultrasound photo and the second side had a photo of Erin, Jay and Harper when Harper was only 3 hours old Voight had snapped the photo of them when nobody was looking.

* * *

Jay Halstead looked over at his daughter sitting on the first row bench in the church whilst he waiting for his fiancée to walk down the aisle, shouldn't he be excited, shouldn't there be butterflies, not this feeling he had in the pit of his stomach, not excited or nervous butterflies but a feeling of dread.

As he saw Ally start walking down the aisle dressed in a strapless white dress, he couldn't help but picture the mother of his child walking towards him instead, again Jay had to ask himself is this really what he wanted, or is he doing it to hurt Erin they way she hurt him, when saying no to his proposal.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of James Halstead and Alison Corson.."

The priest had already started the ceremony and he was yet to realise until he him speaking, he looked over at Ally who looked beautiful and he felt the

Butterflies, this is what I have been waiting for he thought.

As the priest began, Jay looked at his future wife and again, wondered why he was standing here when his daughters mother had finally admitted that she didn't want him to marry someone else, however he knew how Erin was and did he really want to take the chance of being alone when Erin decided she didn't want to be with him again.

He knew he had a decision to make and it had to be within the next few moments.


End file.
